Freebird - Or the land of No Hugs and Child Abuse

America. The land I made war for. The land I made garbage in. The land of real cookies, pizza, and wary children. No child here have I hugged at the prodding of his/her mother. No group of silly curious children trail me about the parks here and poke at me while I do sit-ups. I am free. And I grow fatter, stronger, and more evil. For the evil of America soaks into my Great Knight's Heart. I feel the pain the pain of the Americans - it twists them and changes them all into vampires. We rule this world and will drain it of beef, oil, and chocolate. The poor peoples of the third world nations feed our evil bellies and we grow fatter and stronger upon their broken backs. And low a nation comes to compete with us: China - but their lumbering totalitarian clowns and kickback fed economy will smother it's rising power. Anyhow, as long as I still can get milk, chocolate chip cookies, honey, and nachos I'll be sated - no need to launch my great evil fat belly into motion to counter another nation- besides to be honest I haven't completely wrest control of Jeju from the foolish government powers who believe they should rule in my stead. But soon I will tire of this charade and sally forth from my castle with all orcs, wolf mounted goblins, and trolls charging behind my blazon. The glorious war will gain me this small island as my own - then these Koreans will forget their petty Dokdo / Takeshima arguments and realize that the Jeju prince has finally asserted his moral rule of Jeju and made it a physical one as well. And who better to rule this island then me?

The Lord of Battles ... What fools must I make War Upon to Insure our Oil The sands Will drip with the drops of melted chocolate Hershey bars from my red lips.





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The Rifleman's Creed

by Major General W. H. Rupertus, USMC

THIS IS MY RIFLE. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My rifle, without me is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than any enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will....

My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weakness, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but Peace
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The Pooh Creed [Fat ESL Master Smaug Creed]

This is my rifle- there are many like it but this one is mine. I have a life. My life is not won with a rifle. Honey and Chocolate and cream make me live. I will eat. My rifle was black but honey is the same color as 5.56 unspent shells. I know it is not the amount of chocolate I eat, nor the sighs that I make when belly is full, but the chocolate in my belly that counts. I will not calorie count. I must kill the enemy before he kills me. This is not hard because chocolate does not fight back. I will eat chocolate. I do not see any enemy because I went to bed. I will sleep... But later I will wake up and eat some more...
Where is my rifle? There was an armorer I gave mine. My rifle was not my best friend. My rifle was cold towards life. I know that it is not the rifle I had, white waif Blake I fed, but the lack of sight. I will not look or count. I must go to bed because there are no enemy. The enemy can't get me, because I am in the fat country. I will sleep.




But, let's come back to reality now and leave my Tolkien nonsense to the hoobits. Err yeah I'm now on vacation in America - I had a fine time in Seoul where I met around eight other teachers. We ate our meal and ahh... Well let me do a cut and paste from my comment on it... a flash back to Seoul...


Well let me say it was a fine time but a bit of an anti climax -

You see here I ponder from a dark corner in a pc room a mile from Gimpo airport - what could possibly hold me back from making merry in the Hub of Asia: Seoul? Baggage yes three kinds of baggage - Eye, Mental and Physical.

Eye: Well lets face it My visage is aged and my eyes are baggy - I am an old veteran and my 1000 mile stare is enough to bore anybody. I'm an ole Devil Dog who should of been slain long ago - but like Elric, in the Monty Python Viking Movie, I continue to rage on and eat overpriced Mexican food. Just how cheap am I well? In order to compensate for spending 23,000 on 1 margarita, one coke and one cassadia I will stake out this Pc room until 5 am when the Incheon bus leaves across the street. No hotel for this cheap B st "Dastard"

Mental: My mental instability became apparent at the get together - I raved and boasted about how well traveled, race winning, and lucky I was, while the others spoke of practical things like KOrean language. I'd like to apologize for weirding out, and I promise to never again and strip naked to prove my musculature lines. Luckily I had already charmed the 20 year old waitress or she would not have been able to stop the manager from calling the riot police. (They've been following me since I got to SEOUL) I think perhaps I should give up on the friend thing- megalomaniacs can never really have friends anyway - but on the bright side I think the others hit it off pretty well with each other.

Physical: Yes my actual luggage train was tremendously incommodious - and discombobulated the group - though I'd like to thank the huge guy _____ who helped me carry it down the subway stairs. But, ultimately I think it was a real party killer - err group diffusion dictates the group flows like mercury - and to my chagrin (that is a cool word I'm way smart huh? Well I have until 5am to type so I can just blather on about words pedantically) I was the small little slow blob of mecury that broke off from the main ball -errr so yeah I did not have a subway card thing, they did and thus we were slashed asunder they to wherever they went and me to a bootless journey to a closed Domestic Airport. I should have planned the AAirport bus egress schedule but I had taken it as a given that a sooo way hot ESL tall stranger triple would show up and offer me their Penthouse sweet in Kangnam (which would have been proper as a triple and I would of been comfortable company as opposed to a single thus making a couple therefore producing the coupling temptation as I am so much like Lancelot) Err so my fate then was to be distraught and whiney in this PC Bang but as I shared before it is a result of my poor planning and assumption that one of you would bother to host me, and what kind of naive lad/lasss would offer me lodging knowing I'd eat all the sweets in their home and put offal rings around there pot.
And lets not forget my gluttony - The fact is I ate two plates of the ladies' leftovers - and you know what ladies think about a guy who eats after them - not to mention I demonstrated my barbaric finger utensilless technique.

However, I'd like to end this on a positive note and say that I might later put some happy hug pictures of our gathering online - I checked with the participants and they gave verbal consent. Never the less, said parties feel free to PM me and I will then never publish them on Dave's- but I will still sell them to La Salsa for tourist brochure pictures. Further, I feel like I now know that the idea of finding friends on the internet is just like it sounds - quite absurd - but it is enjoyable to discover the flesh behind the fonts. Whhhhew that is badddd pun way lame I think I should post now before I get much more stupidinger. Anyhow, thanks coming out; yet,I am a bit hurt inside my inner child that none wanted to host my filthy, scared, and rotten smelling carcass - but don't feel bad by Sunday I'll be chillin in my American best friend's hot tub bragging about how popular, rich, loved, and happy I am in Korea, and how I feel bad for him having to pay off his convertible, house, motorcycle and kids' stuff.


Err yes so back to the now yes I am in the USA! I r00lz here. Errr well I will seek something I had... there was a soul I sought were was the thirty year old maid? Oh mayhap she is not to be found. No matter I have destroyed the earth here - My MTB I ride anon I powerslide I grab air and all deer and forest animals fear me. As they know I am the Flight Boy the wacked out MTB monster I was raging all through the forest and I only crashed three times on my vacation so far - minor crashes too. And one of those was due to headset looseness. I got a new Klien with XTR soon very soon I shall ride again in Jeju and there too I will destroy the turf but will I in turn be destroyed by the earth. God alone knows, but I am insured and have a slew of sick days so what's wrong with some broken ribs and a puntured lung or two? Well no no I'll ride safe and in control- I mean so many students are counting on my great fat mouth and brain - I must maintain the cage and bellows that push hot air through them.

So I know what all my readers are asking- did I embrace a silicone thing - myth of sand made to glass. [ silcone = a person I met via the computer and may have been a fake but was not a sand man but a real woman- those internet friend things oft are jokes]A thing that was thought and faith alone. Yes I did I hugged dreams that were only imagined and never truly believed to be flesh - just like Thomas - but I touched not the divine only the flesh made in his image. And the beauty held thought, kindness, and wisdom. But, their was only a dinner and only quaint discourse nothing more. Why should there of been? She lives in the mainland and I dwell far away ruling my Jeju island. Maybe someday she will come to me? We could hike or swim- maybe but then again maybe I'll be to busy with my two bikes to spend time with a kind, sweet, and charming American woman (who can talk English real fast too) - NOT.

Oh yeah there were some guys there too ---

and another lass or two mmmm they were polite and ahhhh interested in riding the subway too. That good come to think of it most all of them were interested in the subway. Perhaps my blue rolling bike case frightened them. Oh well, I shant contact them for another meet again- they did not insist on sheltering my great bulk - and I am not one to impose my will upon others. So ah I guess I'll just stick to biking and writing my novel. Maybe I should make some more nice church friends- funny thing about that though they never want to meet me outside of church mmm maybe I should take up a team sport like ahhhh mmmmm baddmitten yeah yeah I should join a baddmitten club then I could ahhh make ahhh badmitten friends. Ok well I need to go into town and wander about in a aimless fashion talking incessantly very fast and boasting about my job, friends, home, and sporty times in Korea.

How Winne the Pooh the Huggy Monster is Hurt... Or: Never Call Again- She is my fiancée

{"I’d like you to never call this number again..."}

Words of an educated man (two languages at least) to an Overgrown Stoat of Bombast and Panache beyond his ken.

For, he must not have known I am his Lord - The Jeju Prince and Master of this Island of Mine. It is by my good will and kindness that Jeju is Safe. All the Hefalumps and Wuzzles know and fear me. Sans my Matchless Arm verily they would come hence and crush anon as was it was crushed aver and anon. It's such a small island and yet it has a plethora of monuments, and memorials to those poor folk who crushed by some Foreign invader. It hurts my pure heart it does, but they shant fear as long as I abide here on my Fief. But when I withdraw to my Realm across the Sea Avalon - scads of scarred and greedy creatures will draw nigh and oppress these humble folk anon. Ahhh tis strange they doth not beg my stay...

There is power in the words never ever never ever and anon ..."Never Again" And yet this is more of a simple case of possession- Not the dealings of a Holocaust. Mmm yes so then let's not reflect on the slaughter of six-million plus civilians. Very Bad sport that Cpl --- Cpl Napoleon Bonaparte and there was another CPL too - much more brilliant and kinder too wut was his name? It will come it will come first there is an island to cry HAVOC on... VALHALLA! Errr opps sorry no I do not follow the Norse god system, but ti makes for spirited reading. But I never call butchering Sea Side Monkeries or is it Monkey Bees mmm not I think the name is Monasteries as in Monastic does that come from Mono like ahh one sex alone. Err I mean no sex as in sworn apart from the other gender and sex too...even the righteous marriage kind. Whoa how did I stray there umm I was talking about ah Never yeah Never Again! Liquidating hapless non-combatants is not a just war it is unholy murder. So as to Adolph Hitler then I say: "You were not worthy of the rank of CPL for outstanding disservice and completely deserting the tradations and duties of the United States Marine Corps I hereby sentence you to Death... opps to late he capped himself in the roof of his evil yapper already. Oh well but now to a more gentle and much less sad topic at hand or shall we say in the arms but now never again to be tactiled...


No let us reflect on my very small but delightfully amusing loss -- the loss of perfection the loss of a dream that never was - the loss of a love I had only in my machinations- err machinations sounds soo evil... mmmm how evil is it to attempt to date a lass who claims she already has a boyfriend - is it a great evil. Well I guess it depends on how the Lover woes the lass away from her original romance. Lover sounds so very serious - all I really wanted was to get to know soooo beautiful RX master a bit better. Now perchance should she be as kind and sweet as her appearance then sure enough I would have tried to make her my own bride in time. But, much to my chagrin this lass not only had a boyfriend but the boyfriend apparently had fiancée err her... so ummm yeah maybe I should explain this...

Ok I entered a pharmacy- I saw that the pharmacist was a beautiful lady. I asked her for a picture with me. She agreed. We spoke more of the usual sort of friendly exchanges. (Her English was most Excellent Dude) I asked her for her phone number, she said she had a boy friend (NOT a fiancée). I said we could just be friends- she and her female coworker pharmacist and I could get together. She then agreed and gave me her phone number. Later I sent two text messages saying, It was nice meeting you. We should go to a cafe or eat together. You are a sweet Lady. And, If you send me your email I can email you the pictures in the drugstore. Then a man called my phone. He was good at English. He was polite. But he was firm. He said she was his fiancée. He said never call again. I agreed. Then I deleted her number. However, I still have her pictures. She is beautiful. I wish her well. I hope she calls me again when she breaks up with her "fiancée ". Anyhow, I guess I should just forget about Korean Ladies. There are hundreds of Single English Speaking Foreigners on Mine Island of Jeju – NOT!
Ok so here is her picture.



This is where I test just how popular or unpopular this blog is - will a Jeju person email me and demand I delete this picture? Will he/she find out? Mmmmm the question remains - But after all is said and done it was just a friendly hug - and hugs are good for the health- everyone knows physical contact is good for health. I wonder how those Eastern Orthodox Monks do locked away in their Cloisters? No hugs at all. But maybe the Spirit of God Hugs them... If I ever go to Russia I'll have to ask one.....

Ok Just Who Wins The Huggy World Cup - Why Me Of Course Pooh is Loved by All

Ok now I like to take this post to show.........
all the Koreans I have hugged before-
who've been smoshed and pulled despite my spore
This song had to End
and I'm sure you didn't think you lend
a help to this stupid blog only a few have read before
So I dedicate this post to all the happy huuggy punks out there - and I'll have to add on as the Hugg Monster goes forth to smoosh innocent people again....




sweet little Jeju punky kid

more happy little punks of Jeju - and they bike too!

Bali Punky Gang A more dangerous group of children You Sahnt find NOT! I take a bullet for these punk kids any day no problem right in the gut.

some happy 18 year old punks

hard working Bali ladies of Bubba Gump Shrimp

A Bali DVD Pirate Arrr She be a Cruel Law Breaker I wager

mmm Some Kind Jeju College Kid

Airport Workers of Bali what to do bored the Airport? Why hug the bored clerks of course they can hardly flee from the Huggy Monster!

mmm this is a college lass of Jeju not to keen on the hug- mmm I had to press her but her friend took the picture none the less The monster of Hugs Will Win! All will Love The Mighty Pooh!

such sweet little punky kids of Thai land Jesu bless 'em

I am serious when I say this- these Thai girls approached me first and were very very eager to huggy the Great Orange Orangutan Huggy Monster-

I gifted the skinny Koa Toa punk with the Icecream for Pooh is a Kindly fellow after all

mmm I am a redneck snorkel hero of Koa Toa they knows it!

Koa Toa Punks - Must hug Punk Kids very cute!

The Thai Mother loving offered her poor innocent to the Huggy Monster taking our picture- But soon enough I released her from my Chubby Hands

Ahhha The Huggy Monster Grabs Hold of a large pretty Seoul Girl- Will she Love him forever?

Pooh also loves Honey and Australian Girls but best of all he likes both- now if he only had a Honey Pot in Hand his felicity would be complete

Kindly Pooh even loves the descendants of the Romans - despite the way they treated Bears who came to their Goat Pastures

A skinny Koa Toa punk Never the Less he was captured and Hugged for the Camera

More Seoul Girls Hugged without Mercy The Huggy Monster shall squeeze all The Love he can get from them mmmm and later they even fed me after my greedy smooshing

I hardly call this a hug mmm well These Thai guys did not seem to interested must have just got their cheeks pinched by their Mamas

The Great Pooh will also Hug the Non-Conformists

This is the kindly Pooh trying to check if this sweet Jeju Lady has been eating honey before he arrived without him - a most unkind thing - but her belly did not seem to be swelled


What a bunch of shy Middle School Girls - But it's no use against the great Fat Huggy Pooh!

Do you understand these goals... Or; Have You done a bit of proofing...? Errr Pooh Helps Us in are Rits

Reality churns butter err I mean farm girls do that... If I think about milk farms I Always think of Tess... Sad twisted story that. But, this is to be about Jeju how about a picture of a school's set of goals...tell me what you think of them- Bear in mind it's not my school nor did I compose the goals in English- but it's good to have goals... Mmmm Goals mmmm what goals do you have here are a school's goals... Granted I did not write them nor do I work at the school- yet, somehow I find them intriguing in a pedantic way...